Our families would react in two completely different ways, and both badly
Looking for somebody who does not need our whole background explained
We come from two very different places and our families would react to this in two completely different ways, both of them bad, and in six years we have told nobody on either side.
That has a cost people underestimate. Both of us are close to our families, both of us speak to a parent several times a week, and there is now a large part of our marriage that lives entirely outside that. It is not guilt exactly. It is more that we have become slightly different people at Sunday dinner than we are the rest of the week.
Thirty nine and forty, the east end, six years open, married eleven. She dates, he knows all of it and prefers to hear it in the morning.
We are saying this because it shapes what we need from somebody. Absolute discretion, obviously, but also a person who is not going to ask us to explain our backgrounds as though they are interesting. They are just where we are from.
We can host in a small house, quietly, and we prefer to.
Not looking for anyone who is curious about where we are from in a way that becomes the subject. Not looking for anyone who wants to be introduced to any part of our life. Not looking for anyone who will be careless about a photograph.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
Two people wrote this together, and both of them have to say yes to you. These are the three written for the man on the other end of it.
- What makes a single man read as safe
- Vetting a couple: the screening men skip
- The first meeting: a drink, all three of you