I would like to know one other husband, and I do not know how to ask
Looking for one or two men in the same position, for a coffee with nothing attached
My wife has three women she can talk to about this. She found them inside a year, they message constantly, and it has been good for her and good for us. I have nobody. After five years I have worked out that this is not an accident. The men in this world talk to each other about arrangements readily enough. They do not talk to each other about being the husband.
Forty three, North York, five years into something that works, that I chose, and that I would choose again. This is not a post about doubts.
What I would like is a coffee with one or two other men in the same position. Not a group, not a schedule, nothing with a name attached to it. Somebody who would understand what I mean when I say that a good week and a hard week look identical from the outside, and who would not assume a hard week means the whole thing was a mistake.
I have tried raising it twice, with men I met through couples we know. Both conversations turned into logistics inside a minute, which I think is what men do when the other subject is sitting on the table, and I had no idea how to steer either of them back.
Not looking for a bull and not looking to be read as one, which is what happens nearly every time a man posts here on his own. Not looking to meet anybody's wife, and mine is not part of this. Not looking for anyone who wants to talk me out of it or further into it, because I am content and what I am short of is company.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
Nobody here is asking for a date, so none of this is about arranging one.
- What it is actually like, against what you imagined
- How to tell your partner you want this
- When there is no scene where you live