I am not looking for somebody much younger and I get asked constantly
Looking for somebody roughly my own age with his own settled life
I get a great many messages from men fifteen or twenty years younger than me, and I have concluded that there is an assumption at work here that I would like to correct.
I am not looking for that. Not because there is anything wrong with it, and not because I am flattered and pretending otherwise. It is that the three arrangements I have enjoyed were all with men within a few years of me, and the two attempts that were not went the same way both times: an enormous amount of energy in month one and an obvious mismatch about what an evening is for by month three.
Forty four, the east end, married sixteen years, six of them like this.
What I actually want is somebody with his own settled life, who has been doing this long enough to find it ordinary, and who wants dinner and a conversation as much as anything else.
My husband knows every part of it and does not attend anything past a first meeting. We can host on weeknights.
Not looking for anyone who will explain that age is only a number. Not looking to be anybody's experience. Not looking for anyone who is writing to a category rather than to a person, which is what most of these messages are and which I can spot in a line.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
She is searching with a partner who agreed to it, so read the label carefully before you read anything else.
- Cuckold, hotwife, stag and vixen: the vocabulary map
- She comes with a partner. Vet both of them
- The first meeting: a drink, all three of you