I am no use to anybody in January and I have stopped pretending otherwise
Looking for somebody who will still be there when the light comes back
Every January I go quiet. Not deliberately and not because anything is wrong. It is dark at four, I am tired in a way that sleep does not fix, and the idea of getting dressed and going out to be charming is beyond me for about eight weeks.
I have stopped apologising for it and started warning people instead. Two of the men I have known took it personally, and I understand why, because from the outside a woman who is warm in October and unavailable in February looks like a woman who has lost interest.
Thirty nine, the west end, married thirteen years, six of them like this.
My husband is entirely used to it. He is at home for all of it, does not attend anything, and in January mostly makes soup.
What I want is somebody who will still be around in March. Ideally somebody who understands this because his own year has a shape to it. We can host, in a house, which at least means nobody has to be outdoors.
Not looking for anyone who needs continuity through the winter. Not looking for anyone who will read the quiet as a message. Not looking for anyone who wants to fix it with encouragement, which two people have tried and which made it worse rather than better.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
She is searching with a partner who agreed to it, so read the label carefully before you read anything else.
- Cuckold, hotwife, stag and vixen: the vocabulary map
- She comes with a partner. Vet both of them
- The first meeting: a drink, all three of you