I am a husband in this and I have nobody to talk to
Looking for other men in the same position, and nothing else at all
I am the husband. Four years into this, entirely happily, and in four years I have not had a single conversation about it with another man in the same position.
My wife has people. She has two friends who know and a few women she messages who are doing something similar, and I have watched how much easier that has made everything for her. I have a brother who does not know and three friends from work who definitely do not.
What I would like is to sit with another husband or two and talk about the parts nobody writes down. The Sunday afterwards. The odd dip that arrives on a Thursday for no reason at all. Whether other men also find the anticipation harder than the evening. What you say to your mother in law when she asks what you did at the weekend.
Forty seven, Brooklyn. I am not looking for anybody to meet my wife and I want to be extremely clear about that, because a post from a husband gets read a particular way and I would rather disappoint anyone now.
I am not looking to complain either. I am not unhappy. I am simply carrying something significant on my own and I have realised that is a choice rather than a requirement. Coffee, a walk, a pint, whatever. Not looking for advice from anybody six weeks in who has a system. Not looking for anything that becomes an arrangement by a side door.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
Nobody here is asking for a date, so none of this is about arranging one.
- What it is actually like, against what you imagined
- How to tell your partner you want this
- When there is no scene where you live