The arrangement ended in February and the friendship did not, and now what
Looking for people who understand losing one and keeping the other
The arrangement ended in February. The friendship did not, and six months later the three of us still have dinner about once a month, and nobody involved has a word for what this is.
It ended for good reasons. Their circumstances changed, mine changed too, and all three of us arrived at it around the same time, which I gather almost never happens. What none of us expected was that the part we would miss least was the arrangement, and the part we fought to keep was everything around it.
Forty one, Brooklyn. I am posting because I would like to talk to other people who have had this. Everything written about endings in this world is about the bad ones. There is nothing at all about the version where it stops, everybody is still fond of each other, and the shape of your week quietly changes anyway.
I am not looking for a new arrangement. I might be at some point. It is not what this post is for. What I want is conversation with people who have been through the end of something like this. Couples, singles, either. Ordinary friends cannot help, because to explain the loss you have to explain the whole thing from the beginning, and by then the moment has gone.
Not looking for advice about moving on. Not looking to be told I should make it official with them, which two people have now suggested. Not looking for anything except company.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
Nobody here is asking for a date, so none of this is about arranging one.
- What it is actually like, against what you imagined
- How to tell your partner you want this
- When there is no scene where you live