Six years with one couple, and most of it was not what you think
Looking for one couple, for years, who understand what that actually contains
It ended last autumn when they moved south for her work, and what I miss is not the evenings. It is that I knew what her mother's operation was called, and how his business was doing, and which of their two cars was making the noise.
Six years with the same two people, and here is the honest inventory of what that consisted of. A great many ordinary evenings. Two Christmases I was invited to and went to and which were fine. One stretch of about four months when nothing happened at all because he was ill, and it never once occurred to me to mind. Perhaps three genuinely difficult conversations, all in the first year, all about what she was and was not telling him. One argument I caused by assuming.
Forty five, Salford, eleven years in this altogether.
I want the same thing again, which is a slightly hopeless thing to advertise for. You cannot ask anybody for six years. You can only ask for the sort of start that might turn into it, which as far as I can tell means no rush, no rota, and both of you actually talking to me rather than one of you relaying.
What I am not after: anything occasional, anything where I never properly meet the husband, or a couple in their first six months who are still deciding what they want. That is not snobbery. It is that I get attached, and I would rather do it with people who are sure.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
Answering as a couple means screening him together rather than one of you doing it privately. Start here.
- Screening a third as a couple, not alone
- The six things to agree before you answer anyone
- Rules that survive contact with a real evening