Fifty four, and I am not going to talk anybody into it
Looking for a couple for whom my age is not a hurdle to be got over
I am not going to make a case for older men. If somebody does not want one, that is a preference, and preferences are not arguments, and I have watched men my age on this board getting steadily more indignant about it in a way that does none of us any good.
What I will do instead is say what twenty three years of this has made me good at, and you can decide whether any of it is worth having.
I am extremely hard to alarm. A cancelled evening, a change of mind at the door, a message at midnight saying she cannot after all: none of that produces anything from me except a sentence saying that is fine, tell me when. I notice when a husband has gone quiet, and I ask him rather than her. I know the difference between a couple having a wobble and a couple who are finishing, and I have twice said out loud that I thought people were finishing and been right, and both were grateful about it later.
Fifty four, the south of the city, five arrangements, the longest of which ran nine years and ended when he died. She and I still speak. I mention it because that is the sort of thing that happens over a long enough stretch, and people setting out do not always picture it.
I am fit enough, I can host, I have a car and my evenings are my own.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
Answering as a couple means screening him together rather than one of you doing it privately. Start here.
- Screening a third as a couple, not alone
- The six things to agree before you answer anyone
- Rules that survive contact with a real evening