Our vetting takes three months and here are the actual numbers
Looking for somebody who will still be writing in week ten
Since we started keeping track, sixty one men have written to us. Nineteen got a reply. Eleven were still writing after a fortnight. Six reached the sixth week, which is when we suggest meeting. Two became arrangements. We publish that because men consistently assume the drop off is us being difficult, and it is mostly not us at all.
The losses are concentrated between week two and week six and almost none of them are rejections. People simply stop replying. Enthusiasm has a half life, ours is longer than most, and that is a polite way of saying our pace bores men who wanted this settled by the end of the month.
The pace is not a test and we would happily drop it. It exists because both arrangements that worked took roughly that long to build, and the one thing that went badly went badly fast, inside three weeks, in a way we could see coming and did not stop. Forty and thirty eight, Kreuzberg, four years open.
The sequence, since somebody always asks: several weeks of writing, then a call, then a drink with all three of us, then usually a second drink, then whatever comes next at whatever speed everybody wants. We can host and it makes none of the above faster.
If you have read that and thought it sounds like a great deal of work for an uncertain result, you are right, and we would much rather hear it now than in week five.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
Two people wrote this together, and both of them have to say yes to you. These are the three written for the man on the other end of it.
- What makes a single man read as safe
- Vetting a couple: the screening men skip
- The first meeting: a drink, all three of you