Everyone in our life knows, and one friendship did not survive it
Looking for somebody who does not need to be kept out of sight
We told our friends four years ago, one at a time, over about six months. Most were fine in a way that was almost anticlimactic. Two became noticeably closer to us afterwards. One woman we had known for eleven years went quiet, then formal, then absent, and that is permanent now, and we still miss her.
So we know what it costs and we would do it again. Thirty nine and forty two, Friedrichshain, six years open. Being out is not a political position and it is not bravery. It is that we turned out to be bad at compartments. We tried for the first two years and found we were editing ourselves constantly, and the editing was more exhausting than the truth has ever been.
What that means for you is that nobody in our life would have to be lied to about who you are. You would not be a name we avoid saying. If we met somebody at the market you would be introduced, and there would be no small performance afterwards in the car.
It also means we cannot offer you invisibility. If you need this sealed off completely, we are a poor match, and there is no judgement in that whatsoever. Half the people we know are exactly there and have excellent reasons for it.
She sees one man at a time. He knows everything and is not present. There is room here and there are no logistical excuses. Beyond that we are ordinary and fairly boring, which after six years feels like something we earned.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
Two people wrote this together, and both of them have to say yes to you. These are the three written for the man on the other end of it.
- What makes a single man read as safe
- Vetting a couple: the screening men skip
- The first meeting: a drink, all three of you