I disagree with almost everything written about this and have nobody to say so to
Looking for an argument with somebody well read, and nothing else whatsoever
I have read the books, the forums, the earnest essays and the two or three genuinely good pieces of writing on the subject, I disagree with most of it, and I have absolutely nobody in my life to say so to. My husband agrees with me, which is useless. The one friend who knows finds the whole area faintly alarming and changes the subject.
Some of what I would like to argue about. That this is fundamentally about the husband, a claim made almost entirely by husbands. That the language everybody uses came out of pornography and has quietly shaped what people believe they want. That the advice to go slowly is right for the wrong reasons. That most of what gets called communication in this world is negotiation wearing a friendlier name.
I am not right about any of it. That is rather the point. I want somebody who will tell me why I am wrong and be willing to be told the same, over a long lunch, repeatedly, for as long as it stays interesting.
Forty two, the eastern suburbs, nine years, married sixteen. I am not looking to meet anybody, arrange anything or be introduced to a soul, and I am well aware that a woman in her forties posting here gets read a particular way. This is a request for an interlocutor and it is nothing else. I would say the same to a man, a woman or a couple.
Bring reading. Disagree in writing first if you like, which is a decent filter for whether the argument would be any fun.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
Nobody here is asking for a date, so none of this is about arranging one.
- What it is actually like, against what you imagined
- How to tell your partner you want this
- When there is no scene where you live