I dislike the word for this and I have used it anyway
Looking for one person who is not in love with the terminology
I do not like the word. I find it faintly ridiculous, it sounds like something invented by a magazine, and I have used it anyway because it is what people search for and I am not going to be precious at the cost of being unfindable.
That is more or less my attitude to the whole subject. Labels have never done much for me. What I actually have is a marriage of thirteen years in which I see somebody else occasionally, with my husband's full knowledge, and it has been true for four years and is unremarkable to both of us now.
Forty one, Manhattan. Two men in that time. One for three years until he moved, and one for about four months which was pleasant and went nowhere in particular. What I look for is a man who talks like a person rather than like a forum. If a message contains three pieces of jargon and a description of what you would do, I will not answer, not out of disapproval but out of boredom.
What I want is dinner, conversation, somebody with plenty going on in his own life, and an evening now and then that neither of us has to book six weeks ahead.
Not looking for anyone who needs me to perform a role. Not looking for daily messages, because I am bad at them and will go silent for four days without meaning anything by it. Not looking for anyone who finds it odd that my husband is entirely relaxed, because he is, and explaining it has become tedious.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
She is searching with a partner who agreed to it, so read the label carefully before you read anything else.
- Cuckold, hotwife, stag and vixen: the vocabulary map
- She comes with a partner. Vet both of them
- The first meeting: a drink, all three of you