This was my idea, I pushed for it, and I have sat with that
Looking for somebody who will not assume my husband is the one who wanted this
It was my idea. I raised it, I kept raising it, and my husband agreed about eight months later after a great deal of thought that I was not always patient with. That order of events seems to surprise everybody, including the one friend of ours who knows.
The standard assumption runs the other way, and I understand why, and it means most first messages I get are addressed to a woman doing her husband a favour. I am not. He was doing me one, at the start, and it has since become something he is genuinely happy about, but I am not going to rewrite the beginning to make us look tidier.
What I have had to sit with is that I asked for something that changed our marriage. It changed it well. It also changed it, and there is no returning to a house where the conversation never happened.
Forty, the Westchester side, married thirteen years, two years in. Two men so far, one brief and one that lasted most of a year.
What I want is somebody steady and unremarkable in the best sense. Regular, warm, not looking to turn anything into an event. Not looking for anyone who congratulates my husband. Not looking for anyone who needs to check whether he is really fine with it when he has said so himself in writing. Not looking to move quickly.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
She is searching with a partner who agreed to it, so read the label carefully before you read anything else.
- Cuckold, hotwife, stag and vixen: the vocabulary map
- She comes with a partner. Vet both of them
- The first meeting: a drink, all three of you