He does not want details, and it took me two years to accept that
Looking for somebody comfortable with a husband who knows but does not ask
He does not want the details. He wants to know that I went, that I am home, and that I am happy, and beyond that he genuinely does not want the conversation. It took me the best part of two years to stop treating that as a problem to be fixed.
I assumed at first that he was protecting himself. I would push, gently, offering more than he had asked for, and he would sit through it politely and go quiet for a day afterwards. Eventually he told me plainly that the not knowing was the part that suited him, and that my insistence on transparency was really about my own guilt rather than his comfort.
He was right. That was a hard week. Forty four, Brooklyn, married eighteen years, five of them like this. The arrangement now is that I tell him when I am going and when I am back, he asks nothing, and I have found the discipline of not telling him surprisingly restful.
What this means for anybody answering is that my husband is fully informed and entirely uninvolved, and you will probably never meet him. That is his choice rather than a barrier I have put up.
What I want is one person, monthly or so, capable of an actual conversation. Not looking for anyone who reads the above as a loophole. Not looking for anyone who wants to test whether he really knows. Not looking for anything that needs managing.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
She is searching with a partner who agreed to it, so read the label carefully before you read anything else.
- Cuckold, hotwife, stag and vixen: the vocabulary map
- She comes with a partner. Vet both of them
- The first meeting: a drink, all three of you