The thing in the middle, which nobody on this board describes
Looking for somebody who recognises the shape I am describing
There is a shape this takes that nobody writes down, and I have decided to try. It is not a fling, because a fling does not last five years and does not involve knowing that his father is unwell. It is not a relationship, because I go home to my husband and have no wish to do otherwise, and neither does he. It is a third thing, it is real, and I have never once seen it described properly on here.
What it looks like: seeing somebody every two or three weeks for years. Being genuinely fond of him. Knowing roughly what he is doing this month. Sending two messages a week rather than twenty. Not being part of each other's ordinary lives at all, and still minding very much how his year is going.
Thirty six, the city centre, five years in this, two people, the second of whom I saw for three and a half years until he met somebody and wanted to give it a proper go. I was pleased for him and it took me a while.
Most posts here describe either an arrangement or a romance, and men answer accordingly and are then surprised by whichever half turns out to be missing.
So I am putting the shape up front. If you read the second paragraph and recognised it, we will probably get on. If you read it and thought it sounded thin, you are not wrong, and it is not thin from the inside.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
She is searching with a partner who agreed to it, so read the label carefully before you read anything else.
- Cuckold, hotwife, stag and vixen: the vocabulary map
- She comes with a partner. Vet both of them
- The first meeting: a drink, all three of you