He asks for almost nothing afterwards and men find that suspicious
Looking for somebody who will not diagnose my marriage from one detail
What he gets is that I am home, that it was good or that it was not, and occasionally one thing that made me laugh. That is the entire report. It takes about ninety seconds and it has been the arrangement for eight years.
Roughly one man in three, on being told this, decides something is wrong. It comes out as concern. Are you sure he is really comfortable. Does he not want to know. It always has the same shape, which is a man deciding he can see into a marriage he has been near for a fortnight.
Forty three, the south of the city, married nineteen years, eight of them like this. He is not squeamish and he is not in denial. He knows exactly what happens, in general terms, permanently. He simply has no appetite for particulars, and when we tried it his way early on, with detail, he found it did nothing for him and made him feel he was collecting evidence.
I do not want detail going the other way either. I am not interested in being told about anybody's marriage in depth and I would rather not know what you say about me afterwards.
Somebody once described the two of us as incurious, which I thought was rude and possibly accurate. It works. Not looking for anyone who wants to be the exception to it, which two men have gently attempted.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
She is searching with a partner who agreed to it, so read the label carefully before you read anything else.
- Cuckold, hotwife, stag and vixen: the vocabulary map
- She comes with a partner. Vet both of them
- The first meeting: a drink, all three of you