I have read your posts and I can see exactly what I am for

I have read about four hundred posts on this board and I could write the man you are describing without much effort. He is discreet, he is respectful, he is unhurried, he understands that the husband comes first, he does not push and he does not disappear. I am all of those things, and saying so tells you nothing, because so is everybody who writes to you and so is nobody.

Thirty four, the city centre, six years in. Two arrangements, one of three years and one of eight months that ended when they decided this was not for them after all, which I thought was brave of them.

What I actually am: reasonably funny, bad at texting during the working day, extremely interested in other people's jobs, worse at ending things than at starting them, and somebody who has twice stayed in an arrangement longer than he wanted to rather than be the one who caused a bad week. That last one is a fault and I am working on it.

I am not writing this to be clever about the format. I am writing it because I have had four conversations that went nowhere while I performed the description, and one that went somewhere when I stopped.

So ask me something specific. Ask what I do on a Sunday, or what the eight month one taught me, or what I would do if the two of you disagreed in front of me. I would far rather answer that than confirm again that I am discreet.