There is a written list of rules and you can read it early
Looking for a man who reads the list and argues with the parts he dislikes
We keep a written list. Not a contract, nothing solemn, just about two sides of what happens, what does not, who is told what, and what either of us does if something goes wrong. It has been revised eleven times in fourteen years and every revision came from something that surprised us.
We send it early, usually in the second week of talking, and what happens next tells us most of what we need to know. Some men read it and come back with questions about the two clauses that would affect them. Some say it all looks fine, which almost always means they have skimmed it. One man went through it line by line and objected to three things, two of which we changed, and he was with us for six years.
Forty nine and fifty two, north of the river, fourteen years in this. She dates, he is told everything afterwards and never attends.
We cannot host. The flat is small and her mother is round constantly, and we would rather say that now than in week four.
Not looking for anyone who finds a written list unromantic. It is not meant to be romantic, it is meant to mean that nobody has to guess at midnight. Not looking for anyone who agrees to everything, which we have learned is the least reassuring answer available.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
Two people wrote this together, and both of them have to say yes to you. These are the three written for the man on the other end of it.
- What makes a single man read as safe
- Vetting a couple: the screening men skip
- The first meeting: a drink, all three of you