I do not drink, and all of this seems to happen in pubs
Looking for daytime company with people who do not need a bar
I stopped drinking four years ago and it took about six months to notice that most of my social life in this world had been built on evenings I could no longer face. Nobody excluded me. It is simply that everything happens in a pub, at nine, for four hours, and I would now rather be at home.
Forty three, the east, five years in this. I am part of a couple, we are settled, and this post is not about finding anybody for anything.
What I would like is daytime company. Coffee, a walk, lunch, a Saturday morning. People who know the shape of my life and do not need a bar to be comfortable. I have found that this is a harder ask than it sounds, and that the people who say of course, we should do that, mean it entirely and never quite manage it.
I am not evangelical about any of it and I do not mind at all if you drink. I just cannot spend the evening in a place where that is the whole activity.
Not looking for a third, for us or for anybody. Not looking to be somebody's sober friend as a project. Not looking for a group with a name, a membership or an organiser, because I have tried one and it was mostly admin.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
Nobody here is asking for a date, so none of this is about arranging one.
- What it is actually like, against what you imagined
- How to tell your partner you want this
- When there is no scene where you live