I was the reason a couple argued, and it changed how I do this
Looking for a couple who have finished the conversation before I arrive
About four years ago I sat in a pub garden while a couple had, in front of me, the argument they should have had at home. It was quiet and polite and it lasted twenty minutes and I have thought about it since roughly every time I answer a post.
They had not lied to me. She had told him it was fine and he had said it was fine and neither of them had believed the other. The thing that put it in the open was me asking him a perfectly ordinary question about what he wanted, at which point it turned out he had never been asked.
Thirty five, the south east, six years in. What I do now is ask that question before the meeting rather than at it. If he answers in his own words, we carry on. If the answer comes back from her, or if it is one line about wanting whatever makes her happy, I say that I would rather wait, and I explain why. Two couples have taken that badly. One wrote back six months later and thanked me.
I share a flat with two others, so I cannot host at all.
Not looking for a couple in the middle of deciding. Not looking to be the reason anybody finds something out. Not looking for anything that needs to happen soon.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
Answering as a couple means screening him together rather than one of you doing it privately. Start here.