My field is small and everyone in it drinks together on Fridays
Looking for somebody who will answer three intrusive questions without flinching
I work in a field with maybe two hundred people in it in this city, and I would guess I know or am one step away from three quarters of them. So before anything else I will ask where you work, what you did before that, and who you know socially. Those are intrusive questions from a stranger and I ask them anyway.
They are not about status and I could not care less what you do for a living. They are about a Friday evening in a bar with forty people from my industry in it and whether one of them says something to somebody who says something to the woman who runs my department. That is the entire basis of my caution and it is completely practical.
Thirty three, Kreuzberg, married five years, four of them like this. My husband works in the same field, which doubles the exposure. He knows everything, is never present, and is if anything more careful than I am.
The men who handled the questions well answered them plainly and then asked me one back. The men who handled them badly told me I was being paranoid, which is an interesting thing to say to a woman about her own career.
Not looking for anyone who takes offence at the questions. Not looking for anyone in my own industry, which I establish early and without apology. Not looking for anything that requires a third person to be told.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
She is searching with a partner who agreed to it, so read the label carefully before you read anything else.
- Cuckold, hotwife, stag and vixen: the vocabulary map
- She comes with a partner. Vet both of them
- The first meeting: a drink, all three of you