My Perspective on Living in Constant Chastity

I am just starting my second week in 24/7 mode. I have worn a CB here and there for nights over the years, but I never expected to be locked up constantly. Now that I am, I’ve been pondering what is really happening. The first realization is that we — men who are locked up — seem to crave “total chastity,” with much discussion on these boards suggesting orgasms should be rare and tightly controlled. However, I suspect this isn’t quite how our partners view it.

To me, the core of this practice is submission; not necessarily total d/s dynamics, but rather surrendering our favorite toy to our partner. The reason doesn’t matter as much as the act: giving up control of our playground means sharing that toy in a significant way. Many of us also desire more than just genital containment. So when we get locked up, there is often a hidden agenda involving a woman-led relationship, extending beyond just the genitals.

This holds true for me personally. I made this clear to my wife, explaining that I didn’t expect her to do anything special other than maintain the lock, manage occasional orgasms, and engage in whatever play she enjoys. She agreed and, surprisingly, added her own twist.

I’ve read that simply losing control of our weenie turns a man into a submissive who pleases his woman. That explanation never quite clicked for me before. Yet I find myself going out of my way to help her; not just the obvious gestures like foot rubs, but running to the kitchen for items, doing more laundry, shopping, and cooking. My goal is making her life easier. Why? Not because I am physically unable to touch it, but because I want to show appreciation that she is indulging a need of mine. Otherwise, why would she continue learning about lion taming?

In the d/s community, many female “subbies” seek a dominant man who will “force” her to receive what she wants done, rather than just doing his own bidding. I fear we men are guilty of similar selfishness. We want to be locked up, denied release, played with, and have our orgasms ruined or delayed, etc., etc. But where is the benefit for her unless she learns to enjoy those same sensations? That feels self-centered to me. If I expect years of my wife’s effort in this dynamic, she needs something back.

Like those female “subbies,” I hope she finds joy in locking me up. Or perhaps she enjoys the extra oral sex so much that she comes to love my CB. Let’s be honest: most of us would give oral to our wives as often as they wish, regardless of whether we are wearing a cage.

My wife isn’t one of those women who discover an inner sexual dominant when chastity unlocks her potential. That outcome is actually quite rare. She remains a normal woman conditioned by a lifetime of being accommodating and loving. Now she is asked to be selfish and truly punish her husband, which leaves her somewhat unprepared.

The future of my chastity hinges on her finding pleasure in this new dynamic. I think I need to reinforce any dominant behavior she shows, even if it’s as simple as asking me what we’re having for dinner. I’m not sure how best to encourage her to like disciplining me. From what others have shared here, punishment can be difficult for many women. I am committed to patience and accepting whatever she is able or willing to do. It isn’t easy for me either, but I’ve decided against trying to “direct” too much of the process. I still don’t know how to get her to spank me when needed without prompting.

There is plenty to figure out and work on. None of it has anything to do with that key between my legs.