In six years not one couple has asked what I want out of it
Looking for a couple curious about the third person's side of the design
Not one. Six years, four arrangements, dozens of conversations, and no couple has ever asked me what I want out of this. They arrive with the design finished: the frequency, the limits, who is present, what gets said afterwards, all of it worked out over months at their own kitchen table, and I am invited to say yes or no to a completed object.
That is not an outrage and I understand it. A couple has done a great deal of difficult work before they ever post, and the last thing they need is a stranger reopening the settled parts. But it does mean the third adult in the arrangement is usually the only one never consulted about its shape.
I do have an answer, as it happens. I want to be known. I want to be the one who gets asked about his week. I want something that survives a month in which nobody feels like it. I care very little about frequency and a great deal about being spoken to in between.
Forty six, the inner west, six years. The best of the four ran two and a half years and I still know how her husband takes his coffee.
I am not asking to redesign anybody's arrangement. I am asking to be asked. If you have a finished plan and no interest at all in what the third person makes of it, we will get on well for about four months and then we will not.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
Answering as a couple means screening him together rather than one of you doing it privately. Start here.