Three first meetings in eighteen months and no second one with anybody
Looking for somebody who will tell us what we are doing wrong, and then stay
Three coffees in eighteen months, all of them pleasant, and not one followed by a fourth message from either side. We have begun to suspect the problem is us, and we have not managed to work out which part.
Here is what we think we know. We are slow, which we do not intend to change. We ask a lot of questions, possibly too many for a first hour. And there is a moment, usually forty minutes in, when the conversation stops being about anything except the arrangement, the temperature drops, and everybody becomes extremely reasonable.
Forty and forty two, Westchester side, married eleven years, open for two. She dates. He is at home and involved in every decision.
What we would genuinely like, more than a meeting, is for somebody experienced to be honest with us. If we are interviewing rather than talking, say so. If the answer is that we are perfectly normal and this simply takes longer than we imagined, that is worth knowing too, and we will stop rewriting this post every four months.
We are not fragile about it. Neither of us has ever gone quiet on anybody and we would not start now. Not looking for anyone who will be charming and then vanish, which is what three men have now done and which we do not resent so much as find puzzling. Not looking for anyone who needs us to be further along than we are.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
Two people wrote this together, and both of them have to say yes to you. These are the three written for the man on the other end of it.
- What makes a single man read as safe
- Vetting a couple: the screening men skip
- The first meeting: a drink, all three of you