Nobody in our life knows and nobody is ever going to
Looking for a man for whom secrecy is normal rather than exciting
Six years and we have told nobody. Not a friend, not a sibling, not a stranger at a party after a good evening. That is unusual on this board and it is deliberate, and it is the thing we most need somebody answering to understand.
It is not shame. We are both perfectly comfortable with what we do. It is that we live somewhere small enough that information moves, we both work in professions where a rumour has consequences, and we have watched what happened to another couple we knew slightly when a friend of theirs decided it was a good story.
Forty three and forty six, commuter belt, six years in. She dates, monthly or so. He is at home and involved in every decision. The practical version of this is that we will never meet anybody through friends, we do not go to anything, and everything we have done has come through writing. It makes us slow and it makes us cautious about photographs.
What we want is a man who lives the same way. In our experience the people who are safest about this are the ones who also have something to lose, and the ones who describe discretion as no problem tend to mean it right up until it is.
Not looking for anyone who wants to be introduced to our life. Not looking for anyone who finds the secrecy part of the appeal. Not looking for anyone who will find us cold, which some people have.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
Two people wrote this together, and both of them have to say yes to you. These are the three written for the man on the other end of it.
- What makes a single man read as safe
- Vetting a couple: the screening men skip
- The first meeting: a drink, all three of you