He got jealous in year two and we nearly gave the whole thing up
Looking for somebody who will not be alarmed by an honest account of a bad year
In our second year my husband got jealous, badly, out of nowhere, about a man he had liked for eight months. He did not handle it well and neither did I, and for about four months we were closer to ending our marriage than we have ever been.
I am writing that down because every post on this board reads as though it has all gone smoothly, and it makes newer couples think there is something wrong with them.
What we did was stop. Completely, for seven months. He talked to somebody about it properly. I found out that I had been managing his feelings rather than listening to them, which is a distinction I could not have explained before that year.
Forty one, the south east, married fourteen years, five of them like this and three of them good. What we changed: much slower, one person at a time, and a standing agreement that either of us can pause everything for any reason without a discussion. He has used it once. I have used it twice.
What I want now is one man, unhurried, who understands that we will occasionally stop and that it is not about him. Not looking for anyone who will find this history off putting, though I would understand. Not looking for anyone who wants to be told he would never cause that. Not looking for anyone who thinks jealousy is a failure rather than a thing that happens.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
She is searching with a partner who agreed to it, so read the label carefully before you read anything else.
- Cuckold, hotwife, stag and vixen: the vocabulary map
- She comes with a partner. Vet both of them
- The first meeting: a drink, all three of you