ordinary_tuesday
Practical about it
- Posting sinceJul 2026
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Something occurred to me over Christmas and I cannot find a single thread about it anywhere.
Everything written about this is about feelings. Jealousy, drop, compersion, rules, the conversation. There is a whole practical layer nobody writes down and money is the biggest bit of it.
We have been doing this for three years and I still do not know what the correct answer is. Off the top of my head, the questions we have fumbled at various points:
The hotel room. We have booked it every time so far because it was our idea and it seemed rude not to. Three years of that adds up and I have started to notice it adding up, which is not a feeling I want attached to this.
The meal beforehand. We have paid, he has paid, we have split it, and each of those has felt slightly wrong in a different direction.
Travel. The last one lived an hour away and came to us every time. Nobody discussed it. I still do not know whether that is normal or whether we were being taken advantage of, or whether he was and did not mention it.
And underneath all of it: is any of this even a real problem or am I inventing an issue because we had a slightly tight December?
What I would like is to hear what other people’s actual arrangement is. Not the principle, the arrangement. Who books the room, who pays for dinner, and did anybody discuss it out loud or did it just settle?