she would rather go on her own and I had never considered that

We are two evenings into this. Both times I have been there. That was the assumption from the start, or at least it was my assumption, and I do not think we ever said it out loud as a rule.

On Sunday she said, carefully, that next time she thinks she would rather go on her own.

I said something reasonable and then thought about nothing else for two days.

Here is the thing I am struggling with. When we agreed to this, the version in my head always had me in it. Not necessarily in the room. In the building, in the picture, part of the evening. Her going out and coming back and telling me about it later is a different arrangement entirely, and I do not remember agreeing to that one.

Her position is completely reasonable and that is what makes it hard to argue with. She says with me there she spends the whole evening monitoring how I am doing. She says she can feel me across the room and that it is exhausting. She says she would like, once, to just have an evening.

I cannot pretend that is unfair. I know I was watching her. I know I asked her twice if she was all right.

But when I imagine sitting at home while it happens somewhere I cannot see, something in me goes cold, and I do not know whether that is a legitimate limit or just my pride wanting to be included in a thing I said was for her.

We have not fallen out. We are both being extremely careful with each other, which is its own kind of tiring.

So how do other couples land on this? Is present or not present something you decided once, or does it move? And for anyone who went from being there to not being there, what was it actually like the first time?