she said yes and I am fairly sure she said it for me

We have a date arranged for the end of the month. First one. It has taken about four months to get here.

She has said yes to all of it. Every step. When I asked whether she wanted to do this she said yes. When I asked whether she was sure she said yes. When we talked to him she was pleasant and asked sensible questions and afterwards she said he seemed nice.

And I do not believe any of it.

I cannot point at anything. There is no moment where she hesitated in a way I could quote back. It is more that every yes has the same texture. It is the tone she uses when I ask if she minds my brother coming for the weekend. Perfectly warm, perfectly agreeable, and absolutely nothing underneath it.

Things I have noticed and have been trying not to notice. She has never once brought the subject up herself. Not once in four months. Every conversation about it has started with me. She has never asked a single question about how it would work practically. And when I said last week that we could drop the whole thing she said, quite quickly, that I had been looking forward to it.

That last one is what has got me here at one in the morning.

I have asked her directly twice whether she wants this and both times she said yes and looked slightly puzzled that I was asking again. I do not know how to ask a third time without it becoming an accusation that she is lying, which is not what I think.

I could also be inventing all of it. I have a habit of deciding what people really mean and being wrong. If I cancel this on the strength of a tone of voice, and she did want it, then I have told my wife I do not trust her word.

What do I do. Is there a question that gets a real answer, or am I already past the point where the answer matters.

Stop. Not slow down, not proceed thoughtfully, stop, and cancel the date this week. You have described a woman who says yes in the same tone she uses for your mother's visits and who has not once raised the subject herself in four months. Whatever is happening there, it is not somebody who wants this. You do not need certainty to cancel. You need certainty to continue, and you have written a long post explaining that you do not have it.