I have got attached to her and I do not know what to do with it

I am the single one in this, if that matters, and I have been seeing the same couple for a bit over a year now.

Everything about the arrangement is good. Clear from the start, nobody has moved the goalposts, both of them are decent people who have been straightforward with me throughout. I have no complaint about how I have been treated.

The problem is entirely mine. Somewhere in the last few months I have stopped looking forward to the evenings and started looking forward to her.

Concretely: I notice when she has not messaged. I have caught myself being quietly pleased when a plan involves the two of them arriving early and me having twenty minutes with her before he gets there. Last month they cancelled and I was flatter about it for longer than the situation warranted.

None of this has leaked, as far as I can tell. I have said nothing, done nothing, and behaved exactly as I always have. But I know it is there and I am no longer sure how long I can keep it purely internal.

The options as I see them are to say something, which risks ending a good thing on the strength of a feeling I might get over, or to step back for a few months, or to say nothing and hope it fades.

Has anybody been here? What did you do, and would you do it again?

this happens to almost everybody who does it for long enough and almost nobody says so, which is why it feels like a personal failing when it arrives. you have spent a year being liked by two people who are pleased to see you. that is the exact recipe for getting attached and it would be odd if it never happened

The distinction worth making before you do anything is between wanting more of what you have and wanting something different. More often is not the same request as more of her, and the two feel identical from the inside at first. One of those can be asked for casually. The other one changes what everybody has agreed to.

And be careful about the version where you say nothing and stay. That is the option that looks like restraint and is actually the one that goes wrong slowly, because you end up managing a feeling in private for months while everybody else thinks the arrangement is what it was. The people around you cannot make good decisions with information you are withholding.

Say it, plainly, once, to both of them at the same time. Then let them decide. You do not get to control what happens next and trying to is what turns an honest sentence into a campaign.

Speaking as somebody in your position who did say something two years ago: it went badly and I do not regret it. We stopped, there was a bad month, and I would still rather have had the bad month than another year of quietly hoping. The alternative was not a good year. It was the same year with the truth removed.