Journals and blogs discussion

I first heard about male chastity back around December 2009, a find that really got my blood pumping—especially the part flowing south. My early talks with what was then my girlfriend (and is now my wife) didn’t go so well from where I sat. She seemed pretty repulsed by the concept. Even though we’d been together since 2007 and she knew some of my kinky side—I liked wearing her panties to feel dominated, and even earlier on in our time together, I’d had sexual experiences with another guy—most of those quirks didn’t really excite her much. Chastity felt like one of the things that made her lose interest. I have (and maybe still do) some questions about my gender identity and what turns me on sexually. In February 2010, I decided to go a full week without sex or masturbation and kept a journal of my sexual reflections. By day seven, I’d filled fifty pages with thoughts on chastity, using strap-ons, keeping an open relationship (or maybe cuckolding), dressing up as—or becoming—a woman, having my wife take the lead at home, plus likely many other details. It’s fuzzy now, and I’ve since thrown away those handwritten sheets. At first glance, it seemed like she didn’t want to read what I’d written—though I might be misremembering; certainly, she chose not to tackle it right then. Around that same time, I began seeing a gender identity counselor every fortnight. It turned out this counselor was an attractive Latina woman about my age (I was twenty-five then), which made opening up both nerve-wracking and arousing. I kept my excitement hidden from her as best I could. After six or seven sessions talking through what I needed, I realized that being a man is who I am, and I believe I successfully wrapped up my counseling at that point. We went back to our old family home for Easter weekend so she could see her relatives. I brought along the journal just in case she decided to look it over. On the drive home after that weekend, she read it. For those couple of hours while she was going through my words, I felt incredibly tense, turned on, nervous, and generally keyed up. We barely spoke if at all during her reading, but I worried deeply that revealing how dirty and kinky my desires really were might doom our marriage. Instead, once she finished, she seemed open to the possibility of an open relationship. We’d mentioned it before when I brought it up, but now we both liked the idea. We talked for a long time about safe sex habits, sharing experiences with one another, and other rules that came into play which I can’t quite recall now. It probably didn’t strike me then as significant, but having my partner become willing to sleep with others after reading my innermost thoughts should have been a warning sign. Looking back from today, it wasn’t necessarily bad—we’re still happily married—but I’m surprised I didn’t spot the potential issue sooner. A few weeks later, she went on a school trip over a weekend as part of her leadership group and kissed one of her classmates. She seemed all fired up when she told me about it; it definitely got my engine revving too. Not long after that, I had to stay overnight for some work training, so I used Craigslist to find someone for the evening. It might not have been the wisest choice—I wouldn’t repeat it—but things worked out okay in the end. I posted that I was a bisexual guy looking for basically whoever: women, men, couples, or pairs—to either fuck me or let me do them; I was very horny during that first day of training as possibilities unfolded. This brought some high points and low ones. Sadly, no real responses came in except the fakes. Luckily, another ad led me to a guy who needed someone to sleep with his wife. Unfortunately for him, he’d already found someone earlier that day, leaving her quite worn out. But… after asking around… he agreed to take me, and let me have him too. I’ll leave you there for now; I plan to update more later today.