Journals and blogs discussion

Putting the “FUN” in DysFUNctional… Not exactly a unique title… but fits perfectly.:bigsmile: So - how did we arrive here and what am I doing these days? For those who don’t know me or my (long, complicated) story… this is Part #3 and here’s the summary! P and I have been together for 4 years. My husband back then had many issues; he was rarely in the country, sex vanished completely, and after an incident where he called me “fat and unattractive” I decided to end it.

P and I always had amazing sex, all the time. We are deeply in love with each other, and P always accepted me for who I am: a silly, bubbly blonde with 3 kids! He was an inexperienced (but very enthusiastic!) young man who put me on a pedestal and adored me. Slowly he admitted to having kinky thoughts about bondage, etc., and introduced me to the world of chastity.

At first I was NOT interested. I didn’t want to be in charge, or become a mistress, or give up being spanked and tied up and used… but never say never, so I decided to try it. I consumed literature, websites, bought more and more bondage equipment, milking items, kinky outfits and submerged myself into the life of a Mistress…. Unfortunately things started to go awry. P lost his job and began being at home 24/7. So much time together has been detrimental to our relationship in my opinion, and we’ve had so many hiccups over the past 6 months.

Obsessed with creating a perfect D/s dynamic, incorporating P as my sissy maid (and all the expensive items that came with it!) while I tried to discipline him when it wasn’t what he’d envisioned, wandering into the idea of cuckolding about 15 years too early and trying to fit it all in around 4 kids and a baby has taken its toll.

Today we are at a point where I have decided to completely backtrack. And so far it’s been SO MUCH FUN! Friday morning P and I had sex for the first time in what seemed like ages. In reality it was about 14 days (possibly less!) but it made me realize quite a few things. For me, going without sex is VERY BAD! I go quietly insane, get increasingly paranoid and neurotic and very miserable. The lack of sex brings back bad memories of when my husband and I stopped having sex because of my appearance, and as we all know, I’ve been putting on weight recently and feeling down about myself. Put 2 and 2 together and I get 57 and think P is going off me rapidly. Heck, he’s 12 years younger than me… have you SEEN what 23 year old girls look like? How can I compete? And so it goes on.

So… by the time we had sex on Friday morning and it totally rocked my world, I ended up a sobbing mess. Poor darling P was still inside me, looking at me as if to say “WTF!” and we had a little chat. I explained all the usual things, he consoled me and we got back to our jokey selves.

Friday night after some oral sex in the morning (I can’t even remember when I last gave P a blow job) I told him he could settle down with his Xbox while I give him hand jobs and blow jobs all night. OMG… I forgot how much I love giving blow jobs. I used to be completely addicted, preferring head over sex. Rumor has it I was pretty good! It seems my effect on P isn’t quite the same, which upsets me slightly, but there’s only one thing for it: PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT!!!!

And then….. I caught a freaking cold. I’m so mad. I can hardly breathe, so mammoth blow-job sessions are NOT on the menu for a few days. I’ll practice my hand technique and maybe we can try working our way through the Karma Sutra. I’m happier than I’ve been in ages. I feel incredibly sexy (except for the cold!) and just want to have sex allllllllllllll daaaaaaaaaayyyyyy longggggggggggggg.

Possibly not what you expect from me right now, but as I said – we have a lot of foundations to stabilize before moving further. I’m all for using chastity on a less permanent (1-2 weeks pre-scene) basis with lots and LOTS of tease and denial, and P is happy to be humiliated, dressed up and “forced” to wear the penis gag so I can fuck his face.

I think we’ve found our happy place for now….

Well, that cold thing sucks!! But it'll be gone in a few days. I am sooo happy to hear you are feeling better and happier! Mistress Michelle