Journals and blogs discussion

Greetings everyone, it’s Aleks returning to the land of the living >< I have a query for you and it’s going to be quite unusual. Our relationship has been stalled for ages now, and I’ve grown deeply depressed with both my situation and life overall. No need to list every detail since they’re all on my blog anyway, but we haven’t really done much lately (well before the last post as well). She is happy enough with this status quo, yet I have not been satisfied for years and am thinking about splitting up. My career training has had to wait because dealing with home life right now is too much. A few weeks ago, I actually started seeing a guy in a fairly conventional manner (she doesn’t know yet; she also doesn’t read these forums. I’ll let her know when the moment feels right), but I can’t shake the feeling that ending it all would be an error. I definitely prefer men to women, though I don’t believe I could live without submission in my life. We’ve begun couple counseling, which I suppose is my way of gently breaking up with Helene, but another night an alternative idea came to me as a real possibility. Even if we manage to restore a good D/s dynamic between us, it would never last long-term. Helene has such a low (read: zero) libido that she’s rarely in the mood, which is tricky when chastity is your primary focus. So my proposal was to bring a male dominant into our relationship. Given how I feel, however, it needs to be more than just play; I think I need him as a boyfriend too. It might sound terrible that I’m asking for two partners, but the reality is I am so close to leaving Helene whether I find a new boyfriend or stick with the guy I’m currently seeing. Right now, she has nothing else in her life besides me and losing me would devastate her. This isn’t just my guess; it’s a sad truth that she admits openly. I don’t think I can stay with her long-term, but she could manage if there was someone else for her to lean on. It’s the thought of hurting her so much that holds me back. It sounds mad, but I believe this is really our last chance to keep each other in our lives. I brought it up tonight and she actually seemed open to the idea, though I worry about how well she would truly handle it if it happened. I know many people do cuckolding, which is pretty similar except usually the woman gets a boyfriend. But from what I understand, isn’t that mostly just about sex? Do female cucks go on dates and spend non-sexual romantic time with their lovers? Is that healthy for the primary relationship and can it work? My head is all over the place right now. Any comments or opinions would be greatly appreciated. ~Aleks