Journals and blogs discussion

Read my bio for a snapshot of who I used to be. This blog focuses more on who I am and who I’m becoming as I move toward what I hope will turn into forced chastity.

Women tend to see me primarily as an alpha male, keeping chivalry alive rather than the secret submissive that lies underneath. I never openly showed my submissiveness towards them. Instead, I met those needs by being polite and respectful—opening doors and doing everything a proper gentleman is expected to do for women. Subconsciously, I also looked for women who would tease me sexually, leaving me frustrated enough to go home and masturbate while thinking about them with their boyfriends.

I married one such woman over thirty years ago; her name is Karen.

Karen doesn’t particularly like openly submissive or feminine men, nor has she ever. She wants a man who appears as a protector, provider, and knight in shining armor—not someone who throws himself weakly at her feet. He should present a challenge, someone she can tease and mold. She doesn’t want to see him groveling on the kitchen floor; rather, he prepares dinner and cleans up simply because she is his queen and he loves and desires her. If he chooses to wear panties under his jeans while serving her, that’s fine as long as it remains a secret—a secret she understands but prefers not to look at directly.

From the start, I’ve been Karen’s cuckold. Not because she was promiscuous or slept with everyone who wanted in; no, she has always been selective and discerning about which men sleep with her. She never really cared for being a domme by any standard definition. Instead, she preferred wrapping a man around her little finger through tease and denial. When we were dating, she often had me pleasure her thighs while whispering how an old boyfriend would fill her up. She has rarely been cruel about it.

The reason she stopped letting me have intercourse entirely is that I begged her to deny me her pussy. Knowing I can’t possess what she occasionally gives another man allows me to fantasize about her being fucked as I masturbate, all while having a loving partner who satisfies my need to simply desire her—that’s something I treasure.

Now, at my request, she has stopped allowing me to touch myself when I’m thinking of her and the denial. My hope is that as she gets used to me being locked, she will eventually “require” it rather than just “allow” it.

So far, I have been locked for three weeks. Karen gave me a long teasing handjob ending in ejaculation after my first eleven days. Eight days later, she did the same thing. During that period, she only wanted sex once and allowed me to satisfy her using a strap on penis along with a magic wand vibrator.

I begged her to let me go down on her orally as usual, but she wouldn’t allow it. I’ve asked her not to tell me if or when I might be granted an orgasm. I suspect that for at least a while, she will give me release every week or two. As I mentioned before, Karen isn’t cruel; her denial is meant for pleasure—hers and mine. I know she reads me well and knows what’s best for both of us.

While exclusive to Karen in the real world, I remain respectful and subordinate to the women here in the community. To men, whether dom or sub, I hope to be pleasant and friendly. I’ll post updates from time to time as things progress. In the meantime, I welcome suggestions, comments, and criticism.