Journals and blogs discussion

It’s been nearly two weeks since I gave her my keys, and she hasn’t brought up the device, sex, or chastity at all—not once. I haven’t mentioned it either, trying to give her space to process everything, but if this is a sign of how she wants things to go, I’m somewhat skeptical about our compatibility long-term. I need more attention, plus the capacity to offer more in return. Weeknights are pretty much off-limits for us because life with three young kids gets too busy. On top of that, she wakes up at 5am and is usually winding down by 9pm when sleep arrives. Weekends slip by without much chance for solitude; even when we do get a moment, she often seems uninterested or exhausted. Perhaps my expectations are just too high?

I’ve mentioned before that she’s quite the sex camel—going months without intimacy and not complaining—but then has phases where she craves it constantly. I don’t always understand her rhythm. Our marriage is solid; we get along well and enjoy each other, but our sexual life tells a different tale since having children. It feels like we lost some of that early closeness. While some might bring up body image concerns for women, I’ve always told her she’s beautiful, even when pregnancy added weight to her frame. Now, with three c-sections behind us (which she jokes about regarding her stomach), she is tight and toned, looking better than ever.

Before introducing the idea of chastity, we had so little sex in 2013 that I could count them on one hand. I was seeking ways to preserve our union. Everyone around us seemed to be divorcing or straying, and I didn’t want that path for myself. Her and the kids mean everything to me; breaking up feels unthinkable. Chastity felt like the answer.

She showed interest initially without freaking out, but since we raised it, she hasn’t asked many questions or sought much discussion about it. To be honest, I’m not very submissive—neither a typical alpha male nor completely passive, just somewhere in between. The idea of her controlling my orgasm was appealing to me.

I already handle most household duties anyway. Maybe tomorrow night will change everything? That’s my rambling for tonight—I might just be a bit drunk and low-spirited now, but I hope I’ll feel more optimistic by tomorrow. It was something I needed to share.