DenyingDad Husband Feeling High on Chastity Bliss

I’m just diving into this whole thing, but it feels important enough to document—at least as the inspiration hits me.

I’m a married straight male, age 36. I’ve always been a compulsive masturbator—once daily since my early teens. It became a habit for getting through the day. Working in a creative field, if I sat down to do art, I’d usually jerk off first. When stressed, I’d relieve tension that way too. So as stress went up, so did masturbation. Porn has always been part of it, and I’ve dabbled with many kinks. Chastity has come and gone in my fantasies; I’ve bought cages before, but only for brief solo play, and it never quite clicked.

My wife is wonderful, though very vanilla. Our bond is strong, but our sex life dropped significantly—thanks to the pandemic, two young kids, work demands, a kidney stone that hospitalized me for eight days, and long covid symptoms that left me feeling vaguely ill and tired for a year. I’m better now, but life is busier than ever, and intimacy reflects that.

In terms of our relationship, it’s worth noting that since my teens, I’ve crossdressed a few times a year—not as gender questioning, just as a fun private escape from my mental clutter. I didn’t tell her initially. She found my stuff about six years ago; she was weirded out but mostly tolerant. Mostly annoyed that I’d kept it secret.

She asked if I wanted to incorporate it with her, and I said no… partly due to shame/embarrassment, but mainly because it’s not something I feel the need to share. It’s about escaping my own head, not being with her. The interest has decreased over the last few years. It doesn’t seem central to my journey here, except for the hurt she felt from hiding it and the shame I carry regarding both the activity and that hurt.

As sex dropped and stress rose, masturbation increased. But as my health improved, productivity didn’t follow suit; the stress-masturbation had become an all-consuming obsession. It wasn’t good, and I wasn’t happy with myself.

I’d looked at chastity gear online for years and experimented with cages before, but never beyond a simple play session. And I never found one I truly liked. Recently, however, my fantasies about chastity as both kink and lifestyle have grown. Last year, I saw a Cobra in my size on sale and bought it mostly on impulse, surprised by how comfortable it was.

Jerk-offs didn’t stop; if anything, they increased. I’d spend longer on the toilet, take extra minutes in the shower, wait until she fell asleep. Watching porn while doing it, one of the kinks settling for me recently was chastity and orgasm denial.

So, Jan 1st: bed to myself. Jerked off… But later, watching porn again, I thought—why not see if I can go a few days without finishing? It was fun. That weekend, my wife gave me head, and I came in her mouth for maybe the third time ever. Never been sensitive enough to do that regularly, so it surprised us both.

She returned to work after New Year’s, and—mostly as a kink thing—I decided to wear the cage while she was out (I work from home). Her first week had major unexpected distractions for both of us, but underneath it all, I felt a weird energy I wasn’t used to.

The first weekend she was home, we had sex—and man, if it didn’t feel completely different. I could feel everything. There was a sort of drop afterward, and I was a bit cranky the next day. But I was touchy-feely, she looked beautiful, and we ended up having sex again on Sunday, which is unusual for us.

Her second week back, I wore the cage daily. Strangest thing—productivity and energy skyrocketed. Up early, got a hundred things done, effortless creativity in a way that’s always been difficult for me.

And so touchy! Couldn’t get enough of my wife (who is beautiful, amazing, and deeply loved). I did everything to make her happy.

I like recreational drugs when the opportunity arises—and that’s how I felt all week. Like rolling, more or less. Everything was amazing; full of energy; my wife so beautiful and loved by me. But there’s also a feeling on drugs where you’re somewhere in outer space, and it feels like everyone around knows. It’s scary, out-of-body. Felt that too, all week, couldn’t say why.

But I felt happier with myself than ages past. Like having had a week where I fully pulled my weight in the relationship, actually proud of what I’d done and how much time I spent with family.

So I knew—despite our busy lives—I had to talk to her. Wouldn’t take drugs without discussing it first; didn’t want to hide something so… big for me.

Made a nice steak dinner last night. Kids in bed, she came down, we sat on the sofa, and I told her what was going on: A) I’d stopped masturbating (to completion) because it had become problematic, B) since stopping, I feel amazing, C) wearing a chastity cage helped.

As suspected, she was wonderful. Grateful for my sharing; reassured me of her love. Bewildered, of course, with some questions. Honest that I mostly don’t know exactly what I want yet, but knew it was something to explore.

For now: I’m not interested in hardcore chastity play. Like my dick; like using it with wife. Happy making her happy—and as she reiterated several times—she likes my dick and doing things with it. That’s the point: she can do whatever, whenever. Or nothing. If she wants me to do something for her, no obligation to reciprocate immediately. She could reciprocate then wait until I’m done without worrying about finishing.

That part interested her. Big smile: “So your kink is that you go down on me more and I don’t have to do anything?” And, “I’ve always been worried about leaving you with blue balls, but it sounds like you want me to do that?” She definitely didn’t hate getting more attention.

Later, in idle conversation: “Well I don’t mind if you jerk off but maybe you should ask for permission,” and “I could give you a time limit.” Just out of the blue.

For such a vanilla woman, it went about 10/10 what I hoped. Great sex after—I felt connected to her in a way rare these last few years.

Looking forward to exploring more; very excited doing it with my wife instead of keeping it secret and hidden. It’s liberating.

Many similarities to what I’ve been through as well. I’m also fairly new to this journey and see a lot of my own thoughts in what you write here. Good luck!