A submissive state of mind while having sex?

This question carries a bit of an FLR perspective. For those of you who are kept in chastity and identify as submissive, does your keyholder expect pure submission from you? When you have PIV sex, does she prefer that you show restraint and submission during it, or do you take dominance? What dynamics exist between you two, and what insights have you gained? For additional context: The other night my wife mentioned she’d like me to talk more while we are having sex; she wants to see more of my desire for her clearly. If she allows me inside her, she doesn’t want me constantly asking permission, but would prefer that I take charge and have my way with her. We are experimenting with chastity and what I call “FLR-lite”; meaning not a complete power exchange, but rather my submission and servitude toward her as much is practical. I’m finding it difficult to navigate the headspace shift between being submissive toward her and meeting her need to feel desired. From my point of view, I simply want to be told when it’s appropriate for me to vocalize my lust towards her, and when she wants me to dominate her, but doing so tends to ruin the mood for her, which is understandable. I believe we are both naturally submissive by default, yet she quite enjoys my submission toward her. For about ten years, my wife has been uninterested in chastity because it just isn’t her thing. To her, the cage appears painful, and she doesn’t fully understand why she should want an artificial barrier that blocks her access to me… I’m clever enough to retort internally that her use of my cock is rare enough that it hardly matters anyway:lol: We have experienced “FLR-lite” during weekend or overnight date trips; this always plays out with me promising her my submission, servitude and, most importantly, my time and attention, only for the rug to be pulled from under her when the trip ends and I revert to other responsibilities. By the time I have some free time again to focus on her, she already feels abandoned, as if my submission is all talk and no action, and she has built another wall against the idea. That cycle is what I am trying to break. She has long felt unseen and doesn’t feel like she holds any real power over me. She often voices that she can’t compete with other things in my life that demand my attention, and recently this concern has escalated as her home responsibilities have increased, while I’m often unable to give her relief due to work. A couple of months ago I realized that although my responsibilities are sometimes crushing, I also have periods of reprieve during which I default to doing whatever I want instead of helping carry her load. I have a strong desire to serve and answer to her, and while she doesn’t want a full TPE, she enjoys my submission and servitude quite a lot. So, I suggested we try something to keep me in the headspace of being her servant, dusting off a cock ring and starting to wear it 24/7 as a reminder that my job isn’t my only responsibility. She was afraid of embarking on this again because she feared I would once more be all talk and no action, but otherwise she was fully on board. Within a couple of weeks I got used to wearing the ring, but it wasn’t causing much headspace change for me; I was still defaulting to “doing my thing” rather than serving her… so I reminded her about my chastity cage sitting in the toy box and how much that focused my attention on her during overnight lockups previously. For the first time ever, she eagerly agreed to try locking me up, hoping this would be the silver bullet for bringing about the obedience to her that I love talking about… I’ve been wearing it in 4-day stints for most of the past month, and she’s been happy with the results so far. It keeps me horny during the day, maintains my headspace of being kept by her and needing to serve at every opportunity, giving my spare time to her to decide what I should do, and eases her stress. We’re on a good path forward with it, I think, despite some occasional misses where I lose focus. However, wearing the cage and deferring to her builds up my submissive feelings toward her. My nature when feeling submissive is not to pressure her sexually, which she really appreciates when she’s tired or has a headache (which seems like most nights…:lol: ) When we do have sex, I almost always focus on her because what I desire first is her pleasure; I just want to fulfill her needs. This leads to me being quiet in bed, asking her what she wants, asking if I may do xyz for her, asking permission to cum, etc. On one hand, she loves this, and in some moods it gets her wet; she’ll get hers and then say “that’s enough, mister, time for you to go to sleep” and roll over… On the other hand, in other moods she wants me to be more vocal, and she doesn’t even warm up unless she can see that I want to cum. The FLR script in my head is strong, so whether caged or not, I fall into a routine of lying beside her helping her get hers because my script tells me that if I do anything to seek my own pleasure, I’m not really serving her. I’m certainly not lacking the desire to fuck her brains out and cum inside her! If I knew she was in that mood, I’d give it to her; asking ruins it for her, much like how asking permission to be locked up tends to ruin it for guys. I want it to come by her orders, but sometimes she just wants me to know and give it to her. So, if you’ve made it this far, how do those of you with FLR tendencies manage the dichotomy of a wife that enjoys being served while simultaneously wanting her husband to express typical male desires? After our discussion last night, we settled on whether my cock is inside her or not as the boundary line—if I’m not inside her, she’s okay with me being submissive; if she allows me inside her, she’s giving implicit permission for me to use her body for my own pleasure. If it has gotten that far, she wants me to push a little and see what I can get away with, though at the end she doesn’t want me to cum without asking first. Me asking permission to cum REALLY turns her on. This seems like a great starting point for us, maybe exactly what works, but there are many layers here, so knowing what works for others may be good inspiration.