DrPinotNoir Thirty Years in a Cage-Free Zone No More: An Asexual Wife, Frequent Masturbation, and the Return of Passion Through Chastity

It’s about time I put this in writing for any new readers.

• Married men of long duration, you can wear a chastity cage yourself to transform into someone who sparks her curiosity. Is it manipulative? Yes, but the change is real and positive. That woman made you feel a certain way years ago; you vaguely remember it was wonderful, yet now you wonder how we ended up in this place where connection has become so thin.

• Women, if your husband is like mine and you read just one book (there are plenty written by women who once stood where you stand), show up with a chastity cage and wear the key around your neck. You’re here because curiosity drives you, which is good. By facing your fears and purchasing a cage, you might fast-forward two years in your relationship. I believe you can secure the marriage and sex life of your dreams—one that you control and cherish.

Last night was special; for the first time in 15 years, my very vanilla wife—who many thought was asexual because she hadn’t been interested in sex for about fifteen years—had me locked in a Chinese knockoff cage. She snuggled against my neck, holding the cage in her hand and fondling me under the blanket as she said, “I want you to eat my pussy” (and she intended to keep the cage on).

** Chastity is working, but it’s doing so in a way we never anticipated. However, if you read enough books and blog posts here, you’ll see our story isn’t unique; it seems rather common.

It has been a wild journey with its ups and downs, and I’m sure more are coming. There were times when I got angry because the chastity setup wasn’t exactly “how I wanted it.” She started out with zero interest, perhaps even negative interest, seeing it as just another chore for her to manage—more sexual pressure that seemed horrible in her eyes. There was a lot she didn’t want to do, but experimenting with that cage fixed our marriage better than any number of books or psychologist visits could have done (though that might have worked if we’d found the right one; after five years, we gave up).

Chastity has been transformative. I am either a completely different person or perhaps I’ve just returned to who I was when she met me, before 30 years of:

• kids
• job stress
• life’s ups and downs took us to that place where every marriage paradoxically settles; we definitely still love each other but are bored, boring, and not very sexy…

Back in 2019, pre-chastity, we were like “roommates passing each other in the hallway,” doing little more than a grunt of acknowledgment or a kiss that felt obligatory rather than thrilling. Now, she loves it. She does something amazing on her own: locking me up makes my focus shift from masturbating to porn stars to wanting to hug and kiss my wife. We have exactly the kind of relationship we both want. (I can pick any of those burglar-proof cylinder locks in three seconds—I used to sneak quick sessions when she wasn’t looking.) Contrast that with now, where she proudly wears the mature metal jailbird key around her neck and wouldn’t take it off even when I sent it back for mods a few days ago. My desire to remove this cage is ZERO because the reward is too high.

Anyhow, here we go. There’s no better place to start than at the beginning.