Struggling with Motivation in Male Chastity

Too long; didn’t read at bottom. We’ve been on and off with Chastity play for a few years. From the start, like most vanilla couples, I was looking for change in the bedroom and new things to try. She indulged me, tried it out, and kept an open mind. It’s been difficult at times, loads of fun, and even the source of couple fights; brought us closer physically, changed how we approach sex, opened up communication, and taught me a lot about myself. I’ve tried about 6 devices over the years. By far the best one I’ve owned is an MM Jailbird. Here is where loss of motivation starts to come into play. ALL of them have failed. No matter the size, I can eventually pull out and cum whenever I want. I’m not peirced so it isn’t an option for me yet. Eventually I might get a PA but I’m a bit of a chicken; if I do that, I would probably bite the bullet and get a Steelwerks. My wife will take the key if I give them to her, but she almost never tells me to lock up. It’s something she does because she knows I enjoy it. I do plenty for her and what she likes and make sure it isn’t all about me. We are very much in love after 12 years and very happy. So I struggle with it all the time. I want to be locked up and really, really know what denial is like. I want to know what it feels like to truly give up the choice of my physical pleasure so that her decision rules. The first day I owned my first cage I came in it. It was crushing in a sense. Yeah, I know this is always more mental than physical but knowing the cage is only as effective as my willpower took away from the fun. Here is my confession though: I don’t think my wife knows. I’ve never told her directly that I can rub the underside of myself through the bars and cum; I have to be really horny to do it, but I can. I’ve never told her directly that I can slip out the back and jerk off in the shower if I want to. I’ve never told her the security screw doesn’t stay tight anymore and I can undo it with my hand sometimes. I don’t tell her that I usually know where she keeps the key because she is horrible at hiding them. I think the longest I’ve gone without cumming is two weeks, but she thinks it’s a month. I feel like if she knew she would just give up on it and say why bother. Then I think to myself the same: Why do I do this anyway? Deal with the discomfort, the feelings, and extreme range of horniness; the feeling of being forgotten because it has been over a week with zero sexual contact and I’m aching for something. Life, family, and work all get in the way just like we deal with so it is difficult to make time just for her and me. I don’t want to put more pressure on her about sex either. We have very different sex drives and finding that balance is a bit of a challenge. I’ve tried to let go and turn control over to her in the past few years, but it doesn’t always work out well. To deal with my excess energy I relieve myself and start the cycle all over again. Longing for her and not getting the physical attention I want. So why on Earth do I wear a cage at all? At this point in the post I’m just rambling honestly. Sorry if I lost you; I’m just trying to vent a little. TL:DR: I want to be locked up with no choice. Every device allows me to cum while wearing it. Wife is awesome but chastity isn’t necessarily her thing. I should just man up and tell her all this.