lockedsteve No Interest Grows into Long-Term Denial

Just under two years ago, I was with a wife who had recently gone through menopause and lost her long-time girlfriend. Since coming out as bisexual many years ago, she has preferred sex in threesomes with that girlfriend. She is roughly half-and-half regarding which gender she prefers for intimacy. She appreciates the strong masculine presence of a man’s hands on her body along with his hunger for it. With women, she enjoys the gentle, soft lovemaking they provide.

I say ‘half and half’ because she didn’t like penetration from anyone or oral sex performed by her girlfriend. Occasionally, I would perform oral on me and have mine done to me. The best way to describe the kind of sex my wife likes is extended foreplay ending with clitoral stimulation, mostly using a vibrator which produced intense orgasms, or through my mouth or hand. She hardly ever let her girlfriend give her oral; they basically masturbated each other or kissed and fondled while both used vibrators.

You might ask why I stayed in that arrangement. The answer is simple: they enjoyed sexually dominating me, which is exactly what I like. They put on a good show until I was begging to cum but were denied until they decided it was time. When they finished, they would either engage in BDSM activities with me or, more often, my wife would leave me with her girlfriend. My limits far exceeded what my wife was comfortable with, unlike her girlfriend who was a natural-born dominant sadist. She could drip down her thighs and moan with pleasure while working over me; sometimes that alone was enough to push me past the edge without even touching me.

My orgasms usually came from her hand or my wife’s, with occasional oral sex. Sometimes they just told me to finish myself off as they left the room or kept me tied up for a few hours while they checked in throughout the night.

We had tried crude chastity devices of the past, but they were all too big for me—that is my other issue. My penis measures a genuine 1 inch flaccid and 3 inches erect. That was a major reason intercourse was denied to me. I wasn’t just asked if it was in, but also if I had come after doing so. Most times it ended up outside their body since my penis would usually flop out during the act. It got to be humiliating for me and not enjoyable for them, so we stopped having regular sex altogether.

On the bright side, both women experienced deep throating a man, and anal was not painful for them. Intercourse ended a few years after that phase, though it had only been happening a few times a year anyway.

There was other background too: old girlfriends being cruel to me when we broke up due to my penis size; a botched circumcision leaving skin tags (which most assume are genital warts) making oral feel weird; and going on antidepressants which either prevented erections or made me inorgasmic. The girls liked the latter because I could take Viagra, stay hard for a long time without worrying about ejaculating.

I almost forgot that I am unable to father children, whether naturally or via IVF, as my sperm are malformed and mostly dead.

When my wife found herself with just me again, her interest was more like someone who loves watching sex because it pleases them. Most times she said she didn’t want to cum; later I discovered she used vibrators a lot. Sexing up is no fun when the other person isn’t excited by it.

I started using my own hand because I got better at it than my wife did. She would pinch my nipples, which are directly connected to my penis, speeding things up. Despite discontinuing antidepressants due to sexual side effects, I developed erectile problems—either preventing an erection or making it take a long time and effort—and even then, maintaining it was difficult. Most times I ejaculated while flaccid.

The cards were really stacked against me; I probably never would have married if not for my wife being a strict Catholic who wanted to wait until marriage for any sex beyond second base. She didn’t see my penis until our honeymoon night and, since it was the first time she saw one like mine, thought it normal for a long time until her girlfriend corrected that view.

This was back in the days when living with a woman before marriage was called ‘living in sin.’ Good girls didn’t have sex, their virtue enforced by threats from fathers and brothers. I kind of lied; we did have sex two days before our wedding because we felt no harm since we would be married so soon. We don’t really remember it or if either of us had an orgasm because we had ingested a lot of drugs.

It was the early 70s, a much different world. Since my wife and I passed out in our new apartment, her dad went ballistic. He told her to apologize to my whole family, especially my grandmother, and we almost came to blows. Her father was a mean drunk who put both sons into the hospital on several nights. We stayed away from him after marriage.

My wife’s mother died the next year; everyone said the wrong parent had gone too soon. Her father died a year later in the same month as his wife. My wife has only one younger sister, as both parents were only children and her brothers died early due to drugs and bad hearts.

No wonder my wife loves me for taking her out of that world into mine where she felt lost. I hung with wealthy people, had a high-income job allowing me to spoil her, and bought our own house eight months after marriage. She felt out of place and not educated enough for the circle I needed to court for business. I provided more than she ever imagined.

She loves me deeply for that and spent her life ensuring I am well taken care of. She has tried every fetish I asked, even the yucky ones, and was generous sharing her girlfriends with me. Her loss of interest in men didn’t happen until over 20 years into our marriage.

We tested this by setting her up with a guy I knew; although she let him cum inside her, she barely kissed him and told me she didn’t like it or want to do it again. She only fantasized about women during sex or masturbation back then. Bisexuality wasn’t fully recognized, so she was labeled a Lesbian, which had serious consequences in our day.

I think that stigma is why she couldn’t have sex with females unless I participated; it made her feel hetero but willing to please her man. She doesn’t even know her own feelings and sexuality well enough yet.

Enough background; this was the first time I told the whole story in over 45 years. No friend or family knows we lived with another woman, nor that both were bisexual. So when we found ourselves as a twosome after so long, adjusting was difficult and intimacy faded fast.

I started off with teasing and denial, which my wife fell in love with. She would edge me for an hour, then have her own orgasms and instruct me not to masturbate. I could look at all the porn or women I liked but had to only orgasm by her command. That was fun and made long intervals of sex feel like a game.

She eventually extended my denial time to three weeks—just over my limit of self-control. I read about T&D on the internet (surprisingly, despite my life, I’d never visited a sex website before), which led to FLR, then chastity. Seeing they now had adjustable cages, I showed the CB6000s to my wife.

She said ‘order it if you want,’ noting my drawers are filled with once-used toys. When I got mine and put it on, it was much too long for me initially. However, I could get a full erection inside it, barely touching the end with the tip of my penis. After two weeks, I wore it 24/7 comfortably, likely because my penis would retreat into my body so the chastity cage fit better.

It’s empty most of the time. However, my wife didn’t want to hold the keys. I sort of started directing her into a FLR like I read about on the internet. She felt overwhelmed and thought I was dumping all the decision making and tasks of a marriage onto her shoulders, and she wasn’t prepared to take on that responsibility. I had successfully guided our marriage for a long time, so she was afraid she would make a decision that affected our marriage negatively. So we rebooted and tried chastity without any of the FLR and D/s stuff to start off with. That was better, and as she saw the fun she was having denying me an orgasm and only having sex when she wanted to, she finally held the keys for my cock cage.

She kept extending my chastity period longer and longer until it reached 3 months, then 4 months. Sometimes I get a ruined orgasm but to her, an orgasm is an orgasm so they were mostly her going one stroke too far when edging me. So we went from my wife not interested in holding my keys to very strict control over my penis. Things progressed quickly for us. Last year my wife wanted to prevent even my erections while locked and none of the off-the-shelf devices were small enough so she told me to get a custom made one. I liked the Jailbird because of its open design. I ordered all the options. The problem was that the shortest they could go down to was 1 1/4 inches long. I needed an inch or less because the ring and spacer added a quarter of an inch to the length of the whole thing. I had to settle for the smallest one they made. Since my erection pulls the cage away from my body, I could almost get a full erection in it but it was the best we could do at the time.

At the end of the first year, my wife and I talked to decide if we would continue with chastity. She felt like being a KH was a chore and didn’t like all the rules we had that were constantly changing. The poor thing had a file of all rules and changes with some rules contradicting others or being unclear. She also did not feel she should check if I was locked all the time or remind me to put the cage back on when it was off for any reason, medical or hygiene. She also wanted to deny me orgasm permanently to show her my love. I pointed out that if I had no orgasm to look forward to, she would lose all control over me because I no longer had a reason to let her control me. She agreed and suggested one orgasm a year at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve. We compromised at two orgasms a year.

We discarded all rules and simply said that my wife makes all the rules and can change them without prior notice. I promised to always stay locked up so she never had to check that I was wearing my device. I even went further and promised to never masturbate, locked or unlocked. We also agreed that my wife would tease me a few nights per week. Things started to fall into place and chastity became our normal sex life. Since I am no young man, long term chastity made sense for us. I could go two weeks without a problem and a month with just a little trouble.

Every few weeks my wife gained more confidence and no longer felt guilty about denying me an orgasm. Even though she was mostly into girls, she still felt strongly that her duty as my wife was to please me sexually either on her own or by bringing in a friend. As soon as she lost the last vestige of guilt, things got interesting. She required that I wear panties and a bra when we have sex. I cannot touch her sexually outside of the bedroom. When I am waiting for her to enter the bedroom I have to stay on my knees until she is ready to enter. My face has to be baby smooth and my body smelling shower fresh. One day she walked into my home office with a riding crop and told me that I was to be punished for forgetting to do something I promised to do. She left my butt covered with welts which sort of scared her at the time but now she is used to it. She made domestic discipline a part of our marriage.

Last week she cut off all oral sex, both giving and receiving. Her orgasms are to be by her vibrator only. She started small dick humiliation and reminding me how women are better in bed than me. She does not even want to touch it anymore. I always was unlocked during sex so she could edge me but now I am locked most times during sex and assist her in her orgasm. After watching 50 Shades of Grey last week, she now wants a chastity contract which I drew up the other day. It lists all the things she has already told me she wants from my chastity but she still has not finished adding new things. The only thing I wrote that was new and to my benefit was to increase the number of times I am sexually teased. That was slowly moving to twice a month at most. I sometimes feel that she sees chastity as a way to avoid sex with me. That is what we talked about last night and she agreed to tease me more and acknowledge my chastity. She said that she often does not think about it while I seem to think about it a lot. I told her that is because I am the one locked in a metal device that reminds me, while she can just put it out of her mind. She saw my point and promised to work on that.

So I have finished almost two months of orgasm denial with 4 to go. I know she wants me to wait for our wedding anniversary so there will be no surprise or good behavior orgasms sooner. I bought her an Apple watch and a few other gifts of things she wanted. I bought her a new car and no longer annoy her about having an orgasm or sex, like I used to. If I do there are some painful penalties and adding months to my orgasm denial period. So now you know my sexual background, why chastity is ideally suited to our situation and where we are headed. I will not have my wife’s changes to the chastity contract she wants but will report on it next post.

I want to state that despite our weird marriage, which included lots of fetish play, sex with others (we were never invited back for some reason after women saw me naked and I was unable to have intercourse with them), we have had a fabulous life and really do love each other deeply. We have seen each other through tough times and never bailed on each other. My wife never gets jealous and always has a don’t ask, don’t tell policy which allowed me to get what she could not provide elsewhere any time I wanted to. Get them drunk and they do see my penis as a challenge to overcome.:)

My wife tries to explain why she wants to be married to me despite her preferences. She is unclear in her own mind but said that being bisexual is more than sticking your hand down someone’s pants and being happy with whatever you find. The way she explained it is that she is attracted to the person, not their gender. She is fine with sex with men but just does not like the male only parts of it like intercourse and ejaculation. She does not want to be taken or submit to a man sexually or for that matter, a woman either. Apparently she leans more towards one sex over the other in many areas of her being. She wants to be a wife of a strong male so she feels protected and secure. She prefers the emotional mind of a female to the logical mind like mine. She loves to shop with women but do adventurous things with me so she feels safe. She enjoys being lusted after by me and my obvious displays of sexual attraction. Yet she will not even hold hands or kiss her girlfriend, even on the cheek, outside of the bedroom. So it is complicated and given the condition of my penis and erectile problems which piles onto my existing humiliation, Chastity has been a godsend for both of us.

My wife would like another girlfriend to participate in my chastity. She figures it will be worse to watch them together and take turns extending my edging time. She also thinks it will be more humiliating for me. One of the things in our chastity contract is that she can tell women about my chastity and sexual submission if she wants to. So far only her former girlfriend knows. The future will be interesting

g and I think we will stick with our routine as long as I can manage it. I no longer have to worry about not performing or pleasing women, and I enjoy feeling horny all the time. The pleasure of edging is superb, becoming more intense with each passing month of denial. I feel uncomfortable when not locked up. My wife has also bought a three year supply of generic Viagra from overseas which she plans to use on me during any edging sessions but mostly when I am locked up. She just loves the discomfort I endure when getting erect in my cage.

Sorry for the long story and all the non-chastity stuff, but it is all part of what brought me to where I am now and explains why I started and want to continue this lifestyle. There are only two things I would have done differently that may be useful to newbies. Don’t drop into chastity wrapped in a fantasy that expects your wife to go from loving submissive partner to a leather-wearing dominatrix overnight. Just start off with orgasm denial at a pace that is fun for both of you.

Today I chatted with someone on Fetlife who, after two weeks of wearing his new CB6000, says his wife wants him in permanent chastity with no more orgasms. I tend not to believe guys with stories like that. So many men live their fantasy sex life online that sometimes it is sad to think how many have no girlfriend or wife into their fetish or even any woman in their life. There are so many problems there; I get depressed and stay away for a while. I have quite 4 forums already because they were mostly fantasy posts or sad tales of unfulfilled sexual desires.

Heck, my life has often not been believed, and I leave off a lot of the more unbelievable stuff.

Stay tuned.