I am deaf. Here are the two questions people are afraid to ask
Looking for a couple who will pick a quiet room and then stop worrying
The two questions are: how will we talk, and will it be awkward. The answers are that I lip read well in decent light and use text for anything complicated, and that it is only awkward if everyone spends the first hour being careful about it. Ask me directly. I would far rather that than watch somebody build a workaround they think I have not noticed.
What actually matters is the room. A loud bar is the single setting where I am genuinely at a disadvantage, and it is unfortunately the default first meeting here. Somewhere quiet with good light and I am the same person as anybody else at the table.
Thirty four, Kreuzberg, three years in this. One arrangement, which ran eighteen months and ended when they moved back to another country. They asked both questions in the first week, got the answers, and then never thought about it again, which is exactly right and much rarer than it should be.
Practical and boring: I can host, my flat is quiet, I am good at written conversation because I have had a great deal of practice, and I confirm everything in writing rather than by phone.
Not looking to be anybody's demonstration of open mindedness, which happened once and was considerably worse than plain awkwardness. Not looking for an arrangement that amounts to one evening. Not looking for anybody who addresses questions about me to whoever I happen to be sitting next to.
Before the first drink Replying goes through the connected platform, so nothing about you is shared until you decide to share it. Take contact slowly and keep identifying details back until trust is earned. Meet somewhere public the first time, with your own way home from it, and if you are a couple then go together. Tell someone outside it where you are going. Never send money to someone you have not met. And if a post or a reply reads wrong, flag it rather than talking yourself out of the feeling.
Before you answer a post like this
Answering as a couple means screening him together rather than one of you doing it privately. Start here.
- Screening a third as a couple, not alone
- The six things to agree before you answer anyone
- Rules that survive contact with a real evening