Introductions discussion

Ok I’m male, 60 and I don’t know why I’m posting, but as you see I am. For as long as I can remember I alway wanted to be controlled. Oh how I whould love my wife to take control of me full time. To be told when to go to bed, when to get up, what to wear, when I could have sex or when I could not. When I was young I was the one who would be tried up when we played cowboys and indians.My sister also used to dress me up in her clothes. I was too young to understand why it was so nice to be in a dress with ribbons in my hair and maybe the guilt started there. Walking to school, a all boys school I would pass girls waiting for the bus in there unifroms. Green dresses with a coloured school house sash down the left side, a hat and ho those ribbons in there hair. How I wanted to be one of them. But no I was a boy with a snottie nose and grazed knees not knowing why I felt like I did. When I started work I tried to put those thoughts into the dark receses of my mind. I work in a mans job where you had to be rough and tough. I could/can drink, swear and yes fart with the best of them. But deep deep down I still wanted to be dressed up as a women, Bloody hell what am I doing saying that? But it dose sound so good that I have said it after so many years of putting those feeling into the very dark recesses of my mind. On the outside I live a good life. I’m married to a good women ( the only person I’ve had sex with) 2 grown up children with very good jobs. We have no true money worries, we’ve travled a lot some might say we’ve travled to much. We live a very good life, but I’m still not happy, those dark thoughts still hound me. Not a days go by that I don’t dream of my wife to be my mistress, to take control of me. To put me in a chastity belt and keep me locked up for my own good. Yes I am a man who cannot help himself, and I do play with myself everday and sometimes twice a day. My wife is a kind of women who thinks the husband it the one to be in control, the breadwinner the strong rock. Husbands don’t cry or have feminine thouhts. That what women do. In the last 2 years all the dark thoughts that I have keeped hidden for so bloody long as started too rear there ugly heads again.so much so I cannont put them back where they belong. It is like the TV advert of a women walking down stairs and her necklace of pearls brakes and bounce down the stair and all over the floor, She knowns she will never find them all, the necklace will never be the same. I feel the same, my thoughts are those pearls. How can I find them all and put them back? But do I what to put them back, why should I put them back, after 60 years of kidding myself that I can control them. I am going to end for now, I am so sorry to have told you about my problems. Why I have started to tell you I don’t know and I feel more them a little uneasy about bearing in sole in public. But just maybe somewhere out there can relate my feelings I do feel that I’m the odd one out. I have read a few threads on this forum, and I hope I do not upset anybody when I say. The husbands of Mistress Michelle and Goddess Jen should everday get down on there knees and kiss the wifes feet. How I wish my wife was like them. Goddess jen’s smiles can melt ice and the twinkle in Mistress Michress,s eye is enough to turn it back to ice. I must go, this as taken me 2 hours to write, to be honest it as taken me 60 bloody years. Susan S ps Why Susan S? Well that is the name I was going to be called if I had been born a girl.