Journals and blogs discussion

So far, the longest I’ve had to endure is about eight days, which I have to admit, I cheated on the seventh day; I (purely by chance) discovered that I could stimulate myself enough with a cotton bud. It was akin, as an experience, to the very first time I came all those years ago, but albeit for one thing: a stark feeling of disappointment—one that I’d cheated, and secondly that I’d found a way to cheat; needless to say, I have had the discipline not to attempt this this time. I have found up until now that I can go along quite happily for about four to five days, then after this all my feelings begin to be hot-wired to my groin; suddenly just a kiss leaves the same sensation as a DIY hand job used to, one single stroke of my penis (not that I can actually remember the last time I touched it) equates to the same feeling an ejaculation had before chastity. And a full handjob is just absolutely mind-blowing: the look on my partner’s face when she realises the power she has over me, when she has my hands cuffed around my back and then releases my penis so that she can turn me into her little pathetic whining “spunk monkey”, is just priceless. And as for the thought of full sex… But as time has gone by I find myself in a paradox: I know I should want to ejaculate more than anything, yet I’ve actually been watching handjobs on the internet just to remember in some small way what it’s like, and god how jealous I am of these guys dropping their load. But when it comes to the crunch “I want in”; I was let out the other night for a very quick clean (and I mean quick), and I felt so much safer when I was back locked up. Anyway, I think I’m going to be let out tonight as, as I have said on previous threads, I am awaiting a vasectomy, and therefore I don’t want to be hypersensitive and cumming everywhere during the op (although in fantasy land…). Also depending on the recovery time I might be “free” for a few weeks. Anyway I’d like to know what it’s like to go for longer than a week; does it get better? Once my wounds have healed after the op, I’m hoping to really push the intensity going for longer and amending our contract in such a way that I have fewer rights, and really hoping my partner/keyholder really starts to find her sadistic side. I cannot wait.