Chastity and orgasm denial discussion

To keep it simple, my wife and I have gone longer than we can recall without any penetrative sex—probably around 35 years. Things have shifted lately, making this a one-off opportunity for me right at the end of my current chastity phase. My wife isn’t particularly fond of large penises or semen, so while she’d enjoy it if we did connect physically, she wouldn’t miss out if we didn’t.

Even with strong urges to have intercourse since I started this journey, I’ve managed for so long that giving in now feels like wasting years of accepting denial and sexual control by my wife and her girlfriend. The best way I can put it is comparing myself to someone who has been chastity-bound for a while; they don’t want to ruin all those years of denial with an orgasm during a momentary lapse.

I’ll admit, the idea of intercourse after such a long time makes me anxious. I’m sure my nerves will get in the way and cause issues with achieving or maintaining an erection, even if I take Viagra. It’s a mix of wanting it and not wanting it, but this is truly my last chance to experience penetration again, especially since the desire has been so strong. Every part of me longs for intercourse while also enjoying the state of denial. The short reason for doing it now? I spent seven weeks caring for her and exceeded her expectations. It’s a thank-you encounter, which makes it slightly less appealing because she isn’t initiating out of pure desire.

What do you think? I’m leaning toward saying no to intercourse. It feels like being offered an orgasm when your mind is ready to keep waiting, but then your primal instincts take over.