Introductions discussion

Settle in. Good. Now I’ll start. I’ve been around a few threads, so here is a chance to say hello and share some of my tale. We all have one. My current relationship has lasted twelve years; it’s as committed as mine will ever be, yet we aren’t great talkers. At least not with each other. We both cherish our privacy and give plenty of space, but there was a big gap when I tried to express what I needed…well…I never quite pinpointed it, just something more sensual, and more intense. My attempts at conversation would often go astray and fail, usually making things worse for weeks with lingering resentment. Elsewhere I noted that my sex life has been quiet for a year or two. Partly my fault; she works longer hours than me and has lower libido—the usual tale. I have plenty of time to pleasure myself, though we both have controlling streaks in different ways. She always initiates sex. I try, but if she isn’t keen on anything, then nothing happens. So I stopped trying, and eventually, so did she. We spent weeks or even months largely celibate, while I fumed over expecting some action on a Saturday night or whenever. She’d offer a vague, sweet flirtation that I took as a promise, only to watch my hopes wither in the dry heat of somewhere where passion is forgotten. About a year ago, a younger friend became very friendly toward me—just platonic support during our mutual gloom—and I found myself opening up to my own needs. First came more cross-dressing, lingerie and nail polish here and there. This began loosening my mind, leading me to question myself and discover greater honesty. Porn brought me into this world. Over time I realized I have kinks for cross-dressing and cocks (which I knew), sissies and cuckolding (newer discoveries), among others. I encountered images of chastity play. Not immediately captivating, perhaps, but I started experimenting with some cock-bondage while dressed up. Slowly this led me to a type of bondage I could manage DIY-style, rendering my cock mostly useless except for urination. That felt interesting, even if I didn’t know why. I think I decided that because my lady wasn’t interested in my cock, it must be worthless to her. So I made it useless so it couldn’t function even if I wanted it to, removing the pressure on myself. At least this frees us from the cycle of expectation and failure-induced sulks. To swap negative frustration for…something different. I tried crafting a few chastity devices using polymorph (love that name—it sounds kinky)—which was fun but short-lived. After doing some research on actual devices, I found one I felt ready to own: The Holy Trainer. Soon after, a small box arrived by post. I spent a few days playing with it in secret. That was about a month ago, and things have changed significantly!