What Should My Role Really Be?

I am navigating my chastity situation and struggling with it. I agreed to be keyholder for my partner, and we do this on and off. I feel DEEPLY uneasy. I expected my feelings to improve as time went by, but they have only worsened. We are middle-aged, having both experienced past relationships that ended for various reasons. All I ever wanted was a true partner—someone who looks around, sees what needs doing, and does it. Someone interested in me, asking questions, wanting my opinions. Someone attracted to me not because of the “role” or the literal key I hold, but simply because they find me attractive. I thought I had all that, but this key-holding thing is wearing me down. In my previous relationship, my (then) husband wasn’t remotely interested in sex with me, even though he enjoyed online porn and cross-dressing for sexual pleasure. Am I only valuable to him because of this stupid key? Is that the sole measure of my worth here? If I stopped “playing” altogether, what would happen? I do NOT want to hurt him. He might actually be wounded by reading this post. But I’m not sure what else to do. I am not strictly “vanilla,” willing to try and having done many…unusual…things in the bedroom. Yet for some reason, the psychology of this particular dynamic is hard for me. It really struggles with my head, making it very difficult to explain WHY it’s so tough for me to him, which leaves him frustrated and upset. He says he only wants me happy and pleased, which sounds great except that if his main motivation is getting me to lock up his dick in exchange, I don’t want a relationship based solely on that transaction. And now the two things (his chastity and his desire to make me happy) are tightly woven together, so hard for my head to untangle them. I find sexual intimacy as a “reward” very difficult. It feels like coercion to me, even when it isn’t. I feel he is being coerced into “pleasing me” not out of pure love or altruism, but only because of the chastity game. And simultaneously, I feel pushed into giving him sex for things that grown adults who simply care for each other should just do naturally—like housework and dinner. It all FEELS gross, even if it’s fully consensual. Any advice is appreciated.