cancelled on us twice, apologised beautifully both times

We have been talking to somebody since May. He is, on paper and in person, the best fit we have found in two years of looking. Sensible, funny, asks the right questions, has been entirely straight with us about everything we asked.

He has now cancelled twice, both times on the day.

First one was a family thing that sounded genuine and probably was. Second one was work, three weeks ago, with about four hours notice.

Both times the message was lovely. Apologetic, specific, offered to make it up, nothing evasive about it. Both times I believed him and I still believe him.

The trouble is what it costs at our end, which he cannot see. My wife had swapped a shift. We had asked my mother to have the children, which is a favour we do not have unlimited supplies of, and then had to unask her, which meant a slightly odd conversation. And both times my wife had spent a fortnight getting her head into the right place for something and then had to put it back down again, which she says is the actual cost and is worse than the evening not happening.

There is now a third date proposed for the end of the month and I notice that neither of us is arranging anything around it. We have not asked my mother. My wife has not swapped anything. We are, in effect, not really expecting it to happen, and I do not know whether that is sensible caution or the beginning of us quietly writing him off.

So how much of this is normal? Is two cancellations in three months a red flag or just three adults with jobs? And at what point do you say something, given that everything he has actually said has been perfectly reasonable?